Being single and shy around men can feel terrible, but the thing to remember is that this is totally common. A lot of women feel like they have no idea how to approach guys, or are completely terrified of being embarrassed for even trying. The worst part of this is that these fears and doubts are exactly what keep women from ever finding someone to be with.
Here are some simple conversational tips to help give you some perspective on chatting with guys.
1. He’s Awkward Too
Did you know that men can feel as exposed and anxious striking up conversations as women? It’s true, but the difference is that men are stereotypically expected to be less communicative than women, and use that expectation to avoid overcoming their fear. Women have to actually overcome their anxieties to live up to the stereotype that they should be bubbly and talkative.
Knowing that everybody is afraid of looking silly or being hurt is actually a huge advantage for you. Knowing that the man you want to talk to is vulnerable too gives you two things you can use in starting a conversation with him: you’ll be more confident knowing that you are not the only one who is nervous, and you can offer him someone to talk to who is not going to hurt his feelings. That safety is all anyone really wants in a significant other, and it’s what they are looking for when they talk to someone for the first time.
2. Men Speak a Different Language, and So Can You
There is a reason men have a reputation for being less chatty: Men don’t communicate the same way that women do. It’s not that they don’t communicate well, or that they don’t have things to say. Men are less likely than women to focus on a particular topic and not make connections between it and other problems they are having, which is the kind of free association that women use in conversation. In a way, women who can communicate well with women are at a real disadvantage with men.
The key to talking to men is to communicate on their level. In a lot of ways that means slowing down. Don’t jump between topics, and keep what you’re saying to the point. You don’t have to think like a man—but what you’re thinking shouldn’t be what you’re saying. In a way, you won’t feel as much pressure in the conversation by sharing less than you would in a conversation with a woman.
3. Leave Him Wanting More
Knowing when to end a conversation may be the hardest thing to accomplish when talking to men. Not only does managing to pull away from a conversation take some finesse, you may not want to stop talking to a guy when you are having a great time talking to him. The other danger is ending a conversation too soon—you’re not going to entice him if you run away right after you say hi.
If you know you are clicking with a guy and he has been invested in talking to you, you are not going to lose that connection if you pull away from him and start to mingle with other people. If anything, he will want you to come back just as much as you want to go back to him. After a little while you can make your way back to him.